


How Lucky Am I?

by taeiljaeminyeri



Category: LOONA (Korea Band), NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Jaemin’s POV, M/M, Violence, athletics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-10 18:54:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18666346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeiljaeminyeri/pseuds/taeiljaeminyeri
Summary: I would’ve quit athletics when I was 12 or 13, but I needed to keep myself fit. I tell myself that this is the reason, but it’s just a cover up for the fact that I have a crush on my friend here and I don’t want to miss the chance of seeing him every weekend.





	1. Chapter 1

I’m sitting under the shelter watching as about 7 girls run across the running track, trying their best to beat each other. I remember when I used to be that committed when I was younger, always striving to be the best. Now, doing athletics is just tiring.

Little athletics runs for those aged from 6 through 18 and as I’m 18, this year would be my last. I would’ve quit when I was 12 or 13, but I needed to keep myself fit. I tell myself that this is the reason, but it’s just a cover up for the fact that I have a crush on my friend here and I don’t want to miss the chance of seeing him every weekend. 

His name is Jeno. We’ve been doing athletics together since I was 9. He started when he was 6 so he showed me the ropes and allowed me to get comfortable with everything. 

We don’t really talk outside athletics. I have him on social media, but the only time we’ve talked on there is him last year, telling me that I left my shoes with him. I didn’t reply to him or open the message, I was too shy to even respond and I didn’t even know what to say to him. When I saw him the weekend after, I made the excuse that I don’t go online much (an obvious lie).

It’s around 10am and our age group still has 1 other event left. I had just did high jump, but I got out after 1m30. Jeno and a bunch of other boys are still competing. 

Jeno’s always been incredible at high jump. I’ve always envied his skills. No matter how many times I try, my ass just decides to clip the bar every time I jump. I know it’s not my specialty, so I don’t particularly care for my lack in that department. In fact, I don’t really have any strengths here. I used to be one of the best athletes here, but I was one of those guys that didn’t improve at the same rate as everyone else when we grew up. Everyone got faster, bulkier and stronger really quickly in comparison to me who developed rather slowly. I do all the events (except for hurdles because I go so slowly and cautiously and the last time I did it, I fell face first into the grass and I didn’t even touch the hurdle) so I usually stay for a long time.

Jeno moves to where his marker is. It’s his third and final attempt at the current height. I can’t help but admire the way he looks. He’s wearing the same red top as me with above-the-knee black shorts, black compression pants underneath. His hair is messy and brown and his stance has him leaning all his body weight on his left leg. How I can admire him so much from like 70m away surprises me.

He goes to run up and makes his jump, but he hits the pole with his legs. I grunt, startling some people around me. He’s gonna be disappointed with himself. He usually lasts a lot longer then this. 

[- -]

Jeno takes his seat next to me.

“How did you go?” I ask. He looks at me and sighs. 

“I didn’t even make it past 1m 50!” I chuckle at how he’s disappointed with that. It would be a miracle if I made that height. 

“Where are my sisters?” he asks me.

“Gowon’s about to start her 1500m run while Yeojin’s at shot put. Yves hasn’t arrived yet” I tell him. He smiles at me.

“Wow! You’re on top of everything. You care too much” he teases, I smile.

Gowon is a year younger than Jeno while Yeojin is 12. They all have been doing athletics since they were at the age to do so as Yves, his older sister, has been doing it since she was a little girl so the whole family has an athletic background. Jeno’s father passed away a couple of months after Yeojin was born, some kind of abseiling accident, so his mother works large amounts of time, actually overseas, meaning the four of them have to take care of themselves the majority of the time. Yves works on the weekend and finishes around 10am so she can pick up her younger siblings. They take care of each other really well, they depend on each other. Yves puts them first all the time making sure they are all on top of everything. Yves even takes care of me when we see each other, it makes me envious. 

I wish I had a family like theirs, a bunch of siblings that take care of each other. I’ve got none. I only have a step sister, Jennie, whom I have only met twice as my father doesn’t really keep in contact with me or my mum at all, and a half-brother on the way. My dad actually came around the other week (we hadn’t seen him in a couple of years) and asked my mum if she had any of my old baby clothes still, telling us his new wife is extremely pregnant. Mum and I couldn’t believe the audacity he had to come around after so long asking for my old stuff. Mum threw her glass of wine at him and retreated to her room, probably upset that her former husband is gonna have a child with another woman. 

I don’t really expect to be apart of my soon-to-be half brother’s life, but looking at Jeno and his sisters, it makes me wish I could be.

[- -]

I feel peckish. Gowon had just finished her race, according to her she ran really well. 

“I beat my personal best” she tells Jeno who gives her a big congratulatory hug. 

I go retrieve my wallet from my seat and start to head towards the canteen when a hand grabs my arm. It’s Jeno’s. His massive soft looking hands have wrapped around the entirety of my arm, I realised I am staring at it when he speaks, interrupting my train of thought.

“Where are you going?” He asks. 

“I’m hungry! I’m gonna buy some lunch” his arm is still on me, I can feel my face turning red.

“But what about our 1500m race?” I had completely forgot about that. I don’t really want to do it anymore. I’ve already done javelin, high jump and a 100m race. I’m already finished.

“I can’t be stuffed” I say. 

“C’mon!” he whines. “I don’t wanna do it without you.” 

I smile, it’s nice to feel wanted. 

“If you do it with me, I’ll shout you anything you want for lunch?” he offers. He convinced me with his ‘cmon’, but I wouldn’t deny myself a free lunch. 

“Fine” he grins and hugs me. 

“Now we have to just wait for them to call our event. I hope it doe-“ his speech is cut off when an arm comes around both of our shoulders. We both look to see Yves smiling at us. 

“Hey boys.” She gives off such a motherly vibe, I feel comfortable around her all the time. 

Jeno finally lets go of my arm, my breathing returning to normal, to allow himself to give her a hug. 

“Where’s Yeojin?” she asks whilst hugging Gowon. 

“She’s over there at shot put” Jeno points, noticing its her turn to throw. We all watch as she throws, she’s got a good arm on her. It’s embarrassing because I can’t throw that far. Even though the weight of the shot put is lighter for her, I probably wouldn’t be able to throw that far with that weight. 

“How many events do you guys have left” Yves asks. Athletics has set programs. There are three so all the events you can do are spread out and divided for each age group into three programs. Today is program 3. 

“Jaemin and I have 1500m left to do while Yeojin still has 100m. Gowon is finished” he informs her. 

“Well I’m gonna buy us some lunch then” Yves says, pulling out a notebook and pen out of nowhere, jotting down what Gowon and Jeno want. 

“What about you Jaemin?” she asks me. I begin to stutter my words. 

“No-no I-um I’m fine thank you. I can buy my own lunch”. She shakes her head. 

“No can do. I’m buying you some lunch. I tell you this every week. You’re like family to us” she smiles.

“But I hardly ever see you guys” I say before thinking, I feel like I was being rude. “ I me-I mean I would like to see you guys more”. Again, talking before thinking. 

“Then you can come home with us after we’re finished here.” Jeno’s eyes light up in excitement at Yves’ offer while I’m surprised. “You always catch the bus home alone and get home late. I get worried.” 

I wish she didn’t worry, my mum surely doesn’t. Mum doesn’t even acknowledge me returning home from anywhere. She’s too busy drinking, watching any TV show she can. 

“In fact you can stay over tonight, we have plenty of spare clothes and I’ll cook. I’ll take you home tomorrow morning.” Jeno practically squeals at this, like a 9 year old. “you can room with Jeno.” It’s almost my turn to squeal like a 9 year old. 

“Are y- is that o-kay” I ask Jeno. 

“Of course! We can play games and talk and do whatever” he speaks with heaps of excitement.

[- -]

It’s the last lap of the 1500m and I don’t know why I agreed to this. There is only one person behind me and Jeno is so far ahead, he’s putting in so much effort. I actually tried for the first 200m, but breathlessness came in and now I have to finish this race with a jog. 

I have the last 50m left and Jeno cheers for me. It’s cute, yet embarrassing. He pats me on the back when I cross the finish line and takes me to the shelter to get my results. 

“You owe me that free lunch sometime” I say to him. His face freezes, probably remembering what he promised me.

“When you come home with us, you can pick anything you want to eat”. I totally forgot about that, anxiety starting to kick in. What does his house look like? I’m gonna be in his bedroom. I’ve never been in a confined space with no other people to be seen before with just him. I don’t think I can do this. Jeno’s scream startles me out of my worries. He’s cheering for Yeojin who is running her 100m, coming in 3rd, meaning we’ll be leaving for their house really soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Yves’ car is quite nice. I know absolutely nothing about cars, but all I can tell you is that it’s darkish blue and has 4 wheels and 4 doors. Jeno is sitting in the front seat while I sit directly behind him. Yeojin sits beside me in the middle while Gowon sits beside her. Everyone’s eating what Yves bought them, I’ve only had two bites of the sandwich. It tastes really good, I should go to this cafe more. 

The four of them are talking, usual family business. I feel like I’m intruding, out of place. I pull my headphones out and retreat into the music. I can feel myself losing consciousness. I don’t wanna sleep, but my body is in need of it. The scent of this car is really soothing as well. I let myself be taken into dreamland.

When I wake up, it’s dark. I’m laying on something soft, a bed. My eyes bulge open, how did I end up on a bed? There is a light source to my left. It’s Jeno, lying on a bean bag scrolling through his phone. He hasn’t known of my consciousness yet. Suddenly, my nose wants to act like an ass and I sneeze. Jeno practically shrieks and tosses his phone onto the floor. I’m so embarrassed, Jeno smiles, holding onto his chest. 

“Good evening”. Gosh, I practically gave him a heart attack and he didn’t even show me any hostility. 

“Sorry” I say. He gets up and sits on the bed near my feet. 

“You’ve been asleep for hours. It looked like you really needed it”. I smile, it’s 5:41pm on the clock meaning I slept for about 5 hours. 

“I’m confused on how I got here though. I feel asleep in the car” I state. He laughs. 

“You’re one of the heaviest sleepers I’ve ever met” he laughs, dimples on full display. “You fell asleep and practically allowed your body to fall right onto Yeojin, you scared her to death! She screamed and you didn’t even wake up.” I feel guilty, Yeojin was on her phone before I dozed off, she probably forgot I was even next to her. “You wouldn’t wake up when I tried to, you just whined and moaned. I couldn’t leave you in there so I picked you up and put you on my bed so you can continue your snooze”. I gasp loudly,

“Y-you picked me up?” I ask “by yourself?” He nods. “Wasn’t I heavy?”. I don’t know why I was so surprised. Jeno excels at all his throwing events. He almost breaks the record for shot put every time we do it.

“Absolutely not! Jaemin, you weigh absolutely nothing. I told Yves this and she won’t let you leave this house without eating a massive dinner.” He pokes me in the rib playfully. He’s right! I hardly gain any weight because I eat such small meals because Mum won’t cook me anything and I’m also quite lazy myself. 

“What are your sisters doing?” I ask, trying to make the conversation not about me. I hate attention being on me for long periods of time. 

“The younger two are probably studying while Yves is just doing chores.”

“I’m gonna help her to thank her for letting me stay.” I launch myself off the bed only for Jeno to grab my wrist and drag me back down to it. 

“Stop being selfless all the time and chill out for once.” He demands. 

“Your sister is allowing me to stay here Jeno. The least I can do is hang up some washing”. 

[- -]

Yves and I are almost at the brink of arguing. She’s demanding me to sit and I’m demanding her to give me work. She caves and gives me the washing basket full of whites to hang up, insisting it’s the only thing I do. 

Their backyard is beautiful. It’s small and has a lot of greenery. There is a lot of shade in the area. The side of the house is where the washing line is, probably due to the lack of shade there. 

I finish hanging the clothes up and walk back towards the door when I notice Yeojin sitting at the little set of chairs around a table. Her legs are on the table. She has her hair out of her ponytail, changed into some pants but is still wearing the athletics uniform and has a half-filled glass of what I presume is iced tea. I realised I must have missed her when I walked past as I didn’t hear the door opening or closing. She notices me and smiles, pulling her headphones out.

“Hey. How did you sleep” she asks. 

“Fine thank you. Jeno told me I fell on you in the car, sorry about that.” She scoffs. 

“It’s fine. You’re welcome to stay here anytime you know. Jeno really likes having you around.” I’m kinda shocked at what she said. Jeno wants me here? I seem to had said that out loud. “Yes, he talks about you quite a lot. He always wanted you guys to hang out more, but he didn’t think you’d be interested.” I feel like Jeno would be fuming if he knew what Yeojin was telling me. I didn’t think Jeno would be interested in having me around. Yeojin’s words have given me a lot more confidence to be around him more now.

I head back to his room, hoping he’s still there. When I enter, he’s sitting on the bean bag, it’s now moved towards the centre of his room next to his bed. He’s facing the TV in his room playing a game of Mario Kart. He spots me, pausing the game and hands me a remote. 

“Play this with me. I need to know if your Mario Kart skills are as good as mine” I laugh, I’m not good at games. He picks Yoshi while I pick Princess Peach, I hope that’s her name. He tells me the controls and we start on the track Electrodrome. It’s really pretty, I keep admiring the stage so I keep veering off the road and into walls and off the edge. I’m in 12th place, Jeno is laughing at how hopeless I am. I manage to prove myself and finish in 11th, knocking Mario out with the rocket thing just before the finish line. Jeno puts his hand on my thigh. 

“Good job” he says, giving me his eye smile whilst he looks at me. I return the smile, but I feel like passing out. The hand wasn’t on my leg for long, but gosh did I want it there for much longer. 

I’m hopeless aren’t I? Falling for a guy just because he shows me signs of kindness. I really need to raise my standards, but these days, I can’t help but have set my standards so low as I’m used to getting the bare minimum from men. What am I going to do with this boy? He makes my stomach flutter when I’m around him. I can’t stop thinking about him. When we are competing, all I worry about is how well he is doing, never about how well I am. 

“Next week is a twilight” he says. Twilights are usually on Friday nights, starting at 5pm. I didn’t know it was already time for that. “If you want, I can pick you up after school and you can get ready here and come home with us after we finish”. He’s too kind, it makes my heart hurt. 

“That would be great, thank you”. Knowing that Jeno actually wants to spend time with me, I’m more inclined to actually accepting his offers now. It’s nice to feel wanted. “What events are we doing” I ask. He opens up the program book. 

“It’s a special program this week” he states, flicking through the pages to find the special program and the events for that day. “We’re doing 800m, 200m, 100m hurdles, long jump and your favourite - discus” I smile. It’s nice to know Jeno payed enough attention to know I enjoyed discus as I never even mentioned it to him. Discus was an event that allowed me to get throws in that were at lengths similar to other boys. “Yeojin and Gowon have the same runs as we do. They both have high jump, Yeojin’s got javelin while Gowon’s got discus for the throws. Also Yves is gonna be on roster, she’d probably help out with the raking for the long jump like she usually does”. High jump takes a long time and since it’s a twilight, I’m hoping we don’t have to wait too long at night for the girls to finish, but I’m expecting that to happen so I shouldn’t get too upset with that. Maybe I should look on the bright side. I’ll be able to hang with Jeno without the competition being on our brains.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homophobia present from this chapter forward.

Yves practically force-fed me at dinner. She made me eat everything. It was nice food, but compared to what my food portions usually are, it was really a struggle.

Jeno sat next to me. The table and chairs were rather close together so our legs kept touching, it was like sparks whenever they accidentally slided against each other. 

It was 9pm and it was raining quite heavily. Everyone except Yeojin, who went to bed, were sitting in the living room watching Twilight. It was Gowon’s choice. I really wasn’t interested in watching, but I didn’t wanna be rude and Jeno seemed to like it so I stayed. 

Yves was sitting on the single recliner with her laptop on her lap, doing what I presume was her work. Gowon, Jeno and I sat on the sofa, Gowon on the left and myself on the right with Jeno in the middle. 

The movie finished. I didn’t really pay attention to it at all. I was lost in my thoughts majority of the time. 

“How was it?” Jeno asked as we both were walking to his room. When we entered, there was a spare mattress on the floor for me. I lie down face first into the pillows on it.

“It was nice” I reply, voice muffled by the soft pillows. 

“You’re very transparent Jaemin” he chuckles. 

“Okay, it was boring. I don’t see the charm in it, but you’re free to watch it if you like. Just not my cup of tea.” He laughs at my confession. Suddenly, a big clash of thunder emerges. I scream at the vicious noise and hold the covers into me. Thunder and lightning has always made me scared and uncomfortable. I know for a fact that I’m not getting a single ounce of sleep if this continues throughout the night.

[- -]

It’s 2am and the thunder and lightning and heavy rain hasn’t given up. I have to pee, the light from the street lamp shows me the way to the toilet. As I return to the room, the biggest drop of thunder I’ve ever heard makes its appearance. It startles me and I lose my footing and fall backwards, backwards on top of Jeno’s sleeping body, well was-sleeping body as I’ve now woken him up from the impact of my body. He makes that sound, you know, the groan guys make when you kick them in the balls. I scramble to get myself up off him, apologising profusely. To then make matters even worse, I accidentally punch him in the balls.

“Fuck me” he states with his sleepy voice, in absolute agony. I have done fucked up, what is wrong with me? 

“Jeno, I’m so sorry. The thunder shocked me and I lost my footing and fell”. He slightly gets his head up and turns on the lamp. The light reveals his smiling face.

“It’s fine. It was an honest and funny mistake.” He’s such a positive person, it almost hurts. I envy the way he can smile at situations where I’ve just disturbed his slumber and risked the chance of him ever being able to procreate. 

I go to get myself up to return back to bed, but he grabs my arm. 

“Why don’t you lay in bed with me” he offers. My heart rate launches.

“Ex-cuse me” I stutter.

“Jaemin, you can’t stop sighing and moving in your bed. The weather is clearly keeping you up and you are keeping me up. Just lie down with me while we talk or something.” I can’t believe he is offering this to me. I can’t even make eye contact. It would be weird if I denied this request though. I don’t wanna be obvious about my feelings. Jeno doesn’t even know that I’m gay, no one does actually. Although, people do insult me by calling me gay. Maybe it’s obvious to others?

I make my way to lie under the covers. We talk about a lot of things. The subjects we do at school. Jeno’s good at sciences while I peak at the arts. We also bring up the topic of family. He tells me about his mother dating some other guy for the first time and how he’s unsure how he feels about the possibility of him or anyone being his stepfather.

“I know my mum is entitled to move on, but I don’t know.” he sighs. “I know it’s been like over a decade since he passed, but I don’t know how i feel about him being replaced.” His voice slightly breaking into a sob. “I’m sorry, I don’t usually talk about him with anyone. I tend to just avoid it because I end up feeling like this.” I don’t really know what to do or say. 

Jeno’s practically crying and I’m just awkwardly lying with my head in the pillow facing the roof. I turn my body to face him and I slowly put my hand on his shoulder, unsure if I’m crossing some boundaries but I’m hoping he would just see it as me giving him some reassurance. He smiles and turns his body to face me. The thunder strikes again and I flinch into his body. 

“I’m sorry” I say, as I begin to pull away, very embarrassed. However, he grabs my head before I can fully pull away and pulls it back into his chest. I’m blushing, I know I am. I’m just glad the darkness doesn’t reveal that. 

“You obviously need some protection Jaem” he laughs. My head feels the vibrations through his chest. 

“Thank you”.

“Try to get some sleep” he whispers. His embrace makes me feel comfortable, makes me feel safe. I could stay like this for days. I smile, closing my eyes.

[- -]

“Jaemin?” I hear my voice being called. My head isn’t really there. I open my eyes and remember where I am. Somehow my left arm has wrapped around Jeno’s body and I notice that I’m drooling on Jeno’s pyjama top. I wipe my face off and look up at Jeno who is smiling at me. “Morning” he smiles. “Did you sleep well?” 

“Your chest was surprisingly comfortable” I say with a smile. He ruffles my hair, my heart doing a somersault in my chest. I can’t believe where I am. I know it’s not really anything, but the thoughts start to come out. Is Jeno playing on the same team as me? I don’t even know if I’m ready to be in a relationship.

Suddenly, the door swings open. Yves eyes widen as the sight of both Jeno and I. “Oh” she says. Jeno practically throws me off of him. Yves closes the door and apologises, her footsteps could be heard leaving the room. Jeno practically rushes to get out of bed and leaves the room. Meanwhile, I lie there confused. I don’t really know what happened. I get myself out of bed and head towards their kitchen. 

“I’m not gay” I hear Jeno practically shout. I rush to hide myself behind the wall.

“Okay calm down.” Yves says. “I don’t have an issue with you being gay Jen. I just didn’t know you and Jaemin were a thing. I wish you just told me, it was surpris-“ 

“Stop it!” he cuts her off. “Jaemin and I aren’t a thing. We never will be because I’m not a homosexual” he says, the word ‘homosexual’ lingers with some hostility. It makes my heart hurt. There goes my hopes and dreams. Jeno clearly is uncomfortable with gay people, glad I didn’t mention that to him last night when we were opening up about things. I feel like crying, but I put on a brave face and walk out there.

“Good morning” I say, enthusiastically like I hadn’t just overhead something that was ripping my heart out from its veins and arteries. “My mum messaged me, she needs me home ASAP. Could you drive me home now Yves?” I blantely lie. I know I’m being rude, but Yves said she was gonna take me home anyway, being in the same room with Jeno is making me feel really uncomfortable. My thoughts and feelings about Jeno are all jumbling up, I feel very conflicted about him. She grabs the keys and we both head towards the car. 

“You should stay for breakfast at least” Jeno smiles, like he hadn’t just said what he did. It absolutely kills. It’s like he’s got two different personalities. The kind, soft sweetheart and the angry homophobe. I glare at him. 

“I’m going” I say with a stern voice. His facial expression stiffens. I follow Yves to the car not looking back at Jeno as I know he’s gonna have a facial expression that makes me question how I’m treating him regardless of his behaviour. 

[- -]

Despite me telling her where I lived, the rest of the drive home with Yves was quiet. We were 3/4’s the way home when Yves pulled over to a petrol station, but not at one of the docks. I don’t even know what they’re called. The petrol pumps? 

“I know you heard what Jeno said this morning” she starts. I feel like I’m on the verge of tears. “Do you wanna talk about it?” she asks. The amount of concern she shows me really hurts. I don’t deserve any of it.

“No, but thank you” I sniffle a little bit of it. I guess she assumes I’m gay. She probably notices how I am around Jeno. 

“I know Jeno made you upset, but if I know my brother he’s probably just dealing with a lot”. I don’t know why this anger decides to make its appearance, but it did. 

“He asked me to sleep with him, he was comforting me and the next minute he threw me away like he was ashamed of me. He’s a jerk”. She nodded, rubbing my arm. 

“Just talk to him when you see him on Friday”. I nod, trying to stay civil. I don’t see myself being able to talk to him again without bringing it up, but I’m afraid of losing him as a friend. However, our friendship is already crumbling because of his words. I’m torn.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be violence from this chapter forward.

It’s Thursday and I wake up almost panicking thinking it’s Friday. I have one more day before I see Jeno again. I haven’t changed my plans with him. He’s still picking me up after school. I chose not to go to school today because of the fact that my cousin Taeil and my aunt came to visit my mother and I. Taeil’s great, I can talk to him about anything. It has been a while since I had seen him though. 

We’re both sitting in my backyard, talking about anything. Taeil’s enjoying working as a personal trainer. He tried to force me into taking some classes with him, but I don’t think working out is for me even though I should be doing it. 

I don’t know why I feel this way. I haven’t told a single soul that I am gay. Here I am thinking about my cousin, thinking about all his values and attitudes. Would he have a problem with me being gay? Would he support me and let me know that it’s okay? 

“What up?” Taeil asks. He senses my worry. Am I gonna say it? Am I really gonna say it? Oh I’m saying it! It’s happening! I can’t stop myself. 

“I’m gay”. I look at his face trying to read it. He looks shocked, as expected. 

“Oh” he chuckles. “I had a feeling”. I don’t really feel surprised by that statement. I guess I kinda fit the stereotype, people have always called me gay in primary school to insult me, I guess I just look the part. 

He pats me on the back. “It’s okay you know?” He shows me that big grin of his. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay”. I smile, but things then just take a 180 from there. 

“Excuse me?” That voice..... I know that voice. It’s from someone who I didn’t want to hear what I was saying. 

“Mum?” she looks at me with eyes I can’t read. 

“Anne, Taeil, please leave. I need to talk to my son alone.” She doesn’t take her eyes off me when she says that. 

“I’ll see you next week at the show” my aunt says to my mum. Taeil pats me on the shoulder. 

“Text me” he whispers, I nod. 

We watch them both exit the house. When they shut the door, the tears are slowly running down my face. 

“Mum”. She turns to show her face, filled with fury. She lunges at me and slaps me across the face, the impact knocking me onto the grass. Her ring scratched my face and the impact of her hand was causing me to bleed out from my nose. She doesn’t even let me speak. 

“You’re not welcome in the house anymore” she yellss, the words causing an ache in my heart that I’ve never felt since my grandmother passed away. “Pack your bags. I want you gone by the time I return from the shops.” She grabs her bags and slams the door on the way out. I’m bawling my eyes out. I never was gonna tell her. I knew she would act like this. She hasn’t ever hit me before, this was the first time. I notice I’m shaking.

I enter my room, ice pack on my nose, crying. I don’t know what to do. I get my suitcase and pack as many clothes into it as I can and also my toiletries. I grab my electronics and chargers as well as all my school needs and place them in my school bag. I grab some of my favourite foods from the kitchen and a water bottle before I exit the front door. I look back, the blood from my nose is on the floor. Bitter me decides to leave it there. Maybe Mum will see it when she returns and feel upset, feel apologetic and guilty for what she did. I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t. 

[- -]

The front door opens. Jeno opens the door and his face stiffens. He notices me crying, drenched from the pouring rain. 

“Jaemin?” He pulls me indoors to get me out of the rain. “What happened? Why are you here? How’d you get here?” He looks at me and grabs my hands, they’re so warm and comforting. “Why is there blood Jaemin?” He’s noticed the blood stains on my long sleeve shirt. I don’t even know what to say. I can’t tell him I’m gay, but I need to say something. I breakdown and fall to the floor, Jeno catches me and holds me as I cry into his sweater. He caresses my head letting out a ‘shh’ as he comforts me. 

Yves must have heard me crying and approached me on the floor. I didn’t look at her face, but I knew it would be filled with worry. Jeno picked me up and walked me to the couch, rubbing my back constantly as I sob, tears piling up in my lap. Yves had picked up my bags from outside. She left them near the floor mats, probably due to their wet conditions. She leaves for a brief moment before returning with a bandaid. As she puts it on my face, she talks to me. 

“How did you get here Jaemin?” She asks. I manage to calm myself down enough, still looking down at my hands when I reply. 

“Taxi! I didn’t know where else to go. I know it’s a lot to ask, but can I stay here?” I ask. I look up and Yves and I can see so much pity in her eyes. 

“Of course you can.” I really cannot thank her enough. 

“Let’s get you out of this wet clothes so you can have a shower. I’ll give you some of my clothes.” Jeno offers. I can’t even be mad at him anymore, my mind is elsewhere. 

“I’ve got my own clothes in there, it’s okay.” 

“Yves just ironed some clothes for me, they’re nice and warm so I want you to put them on so you don’t get sick”. I can tell he’s related to Yves, they care the same way. 

“The pile is sitting in his wardrobe” Yves points out. I grab my toiletries and head to his room.

When I arrive, I open his wardrobe. I hadn’t seen this before when I was here last time. It’s got a lot of stuff in it, decorated nicely. I notice a little board with writing, I pick it up and observe it. It’s some sort of tourist item you buy at gift shops when you travel. As I go to put it back, I notice something purple sticking out. It looks like a rubber ball. I pull it out and realise what I’m holding, I flinch and immediately let it go. That’s not a purple rubber ball, that’s a purple silicon dildo..... and I touched it! This is Jeno’s room meaning that it must belong to Jeno. 

Why would Jeno have a dildo for? He doesn’t have a girlfriend? Even if he did, would straight guys carry a dildo for their girl? Is that a straight thing? Whatever it is, Jeno didn’t want me or anyone to see it. He hid it, and I have revealed it. I need to put it back, but that means I need to pick it up again and I don’t think I want to do that. That’s gone in places I don’t even want to know. I grab a shirt that is sitting on the pile and pick it up whilst holding it so I don’t have to be in contact with it again and I put it back behind the box it was poking out from, putting the board back to hide it again. I need to hurry up and grab the clothes or Jeno would get suspicious. I grab a jumper, a different shirt and pants and head off towards the bathroom, the warm water is calling for me.


	5. Chapter 5

I enter Jeno’s room in hopes that I will be alone in there. The bed was still set up from Saturday night, I just wanted to lie down. Jeno however, was in the room. He looked at me when I entered. 

“What happened buddy?” he says. “We don’t have an issue with you staying, but you look like you’re in trouble”. I know I have to give him something, but I don’t really know what to say without revealing too much.

“My mum likes to drink” I say in hopes that it is enough to get him to stop asking questions. It wasn’t a full out lie. Mum did tend to behave irrationally when she was drinking, which is majority of the time. 

Jeno gave me a pat on the shoulder and tells me to take a nap on his bed as it was more comfortable than the mattress on the floor. As I lied down, he jumped on top of the bed, but like also on top of me. His legs were spread out, knees on both sides of my waist. I realised he wasn’t even doing anything. He was just fixing the pillows for me so I was more comfortable and lifting up the blankets and sheets so I didn’t get cold. I smiled because of his kindhearted behaviour. 

“Thank you” I said, looking up into his eyes. He’s staring at me. He’s got an expression I’ve never seen before, it’s like he’s thinking. He puts his hand on my forehead and pushes my hair back off it. He softly caresses me. 

It’s really comforting and soothing, but why is he doing it? I put my hand on top of his and pull it towards my cheek and smile at him. However, he flinches and gets off me instantly. He doesn’t say a word and leaves the room, closing the door behind him. The room is now dark and I’m left confused. He’s showing me affection at one moment and then blowing me off the next.

I don’t know whether it’s my feelings for Jeno and the fact I want something to happen between us that’s causing me to notice this behaviour as being suspicious or if he’s just being kind. I should work on spending less time with him so I can work out what’s going on with me and him, but I don’t really have anywhere else to go.

Fuck! It’s just dawned on me that I haven’t really mentioned or asked if I could stay here for a bit. Yves probably assumes it’s until after the athletics competition, but I can’t go back home. 

Mum hasn’t bothered messaging me, not like she ever does but an apology would’ve been nice to receive. I know we never really had the greatest relationship, but I thought we at least cared enough for each other. I guess I was wrong.

[- -]

Yves is sitting outside under the patio. It’s stopped raining, but it’s freezing. I don’t know why she would sit out here. Does she have some kinda death wish sitting outside in the cold? She’s even got a mug filled with what I assume is some kind of tea. 

“Yves can I ask you something” she notices my presence, putting down the mug and pointing to the chair for me to sit. 

“I know this is a lot to ask, but”, emotions getting the better of me. “I don’t have anywhere else to go Yves”. Tears are running down my face. She stood up and reached over to give me a hug, my face pressed into her shoulder, staining her top with disgusting tears and snot. 

“She found out I was gay” I say before I could realise I had just unintentionally come out to her. 

She hugged me even tighter, rubbing my back. Gosh, this is what mothers are meant to do and here I am finding comfort in my crush’s sister who is mothering me too much for me to accept. 

“You can stay as long as you want. You can sleep in my mother’s room. She’s never home anyway.” I notice some slight hostility in that sentence. I can sense Yves is probably tired. She takes care of everyone to the point even I wouldn’t be able to do it anymore. She obviously doesn’t take care of herself enough. It makes me worried. 

[- -]

It’s some time late in the night. I’m staring up at the roof, smiling. Coming out to Yves and Taeil today were the best things I did. It’s like something was holding me down and keeping me confined and constricted and now I’ve been set free. 

I had spoken to Taeil via text message about what happened and he apologised. I told him I had found refuge and that he didn’t need to make room for me. They lived quite far away anyway. I would’ve had to leave the school I was attending if I moved in with him and my aunt. 

I hear the door slowly opening. 

“Jaemin?” It’s Jeno. He sits on the edge of the bed. I really want him to leave. He’s really been doing my head in, I can’t think properly around him and I don’t really want to let him know that. “Why are you sleeping in here?” He asks. 

“I struggle to sleep when I’m not by myself.” I say. A total lie, but I guess it sounded believable. “Yves offered the room so I took it”. He nods. Jeno just sits there for a bit without saying anything. He’s making me anxious. 

“Jeno, I really need to sleep” I say, waking him up from his train of thoughts, hoping he’d get the hint that I want him to leave. 

“Oh right, good night” he walks out quickly before I could even respond. What am I going to do with him?


	6. Chapter 6

At athletics, they have championships at the end of the season. The rules are that you can only compete in the events for championships if you’ve done the event at least two times beforehand. 

This is how Jeno has talked me into standing at the start of the track getting ready to do 100m hurdles, saying I’d regret it if I didn’t take part. Our age group had two heats and Jeno already raced in the first heat. My heat has 5 people in it.

The whistle starts and anxiety kicks in. 

“Fuck” I say quietly. I’ve only just realised I’m about to do hurdles, something I haven’t done in years. I’m low key afraid. Am I really doing this? I feel like I’ve forgotten how to jump over hurdles.

The gun goes off and I’m running. The other boys are way ahead of me. I’m literally just jumping over the hurdles without any kind of speed. Jeno cheers for me on the fence to the side of the track. It’s distracting, but it settles my nerves. The boy forced me to do this, but at least he tried to make me comfortable while doing it. 

My time is recorded and it’s embarrassing. The difference between me and the guy who came 4th is huge, but oh well. I’m not a hurdler. 

[- -]

Discus is our second event of the evening. I just had my second throw and it was decent, especially compared to my first one that went out of bounds. 22.35m was the measurement.

As I walk back and sit back down, Jeno wraps his left arm around me and holds my left arm. 

“Good job” he says. I smile up at him. I feel safe with him. 

“Gosh you look like a bunch of gays” the voice behind me says. Jeno lets go of my arm, but he doesn’t take his arm off my shoulder. We both look behind us to see who spoke and it’s Jack Daniel. Who names their kid Jack Daniel? You couldn’t have picked a better name? It’s like his parents didn’t even try and just picked the first thing they saw when they named their son. 

Jeno laughs with them. It’s annoying, I can sense the mocking tone in their voices. ‘It’s snapping time’ my mind says. 

“And what if we are?” I look at him aggressively. Jeno immediately takes his arm off me. That safety feeling? It’s gone! It hurts, but oh well.   
I stand up, hoping I show some sort of dominance, some sort of power and control of the situation.

“It’s 2019 you absolute tool. You might think making jokes like this makes you out like your top shit, but it’s not. You think that just because no one who is gay and out is around, you think it’s okay to make jokes like that. However, maybe stop to consider someone might be closeted and not ready to come out and with the jokes like yours that mock gay people, it makes it harder for us to actually be comfortable with just being ourselves!” I practically shouted the ‘being ourselves’ part. I sit myself back down, my heart racing. I hold onto my shorts tightly to calm myself down.

It’s quiet. Everyone has obviously heard my outburst. No one is talking. We’re just sitting waiting to get called for our throw. It’s my third and final throw and wow I guess anger looks good in my results. I throw 28.50m which is my best throw ever and the second highest of the night, Jeno’s was higher. 

I go to leave and notice Jeno is waiting for me to come with him. I practically avoid him and walk in the other direction. He runs up to me. 

“Where are you going?” I sigh. 

“Jeno! Please leave me alone”. 

“But w-“

“JENO!” He flinches. I walk off, noticing the family that were sitting near the tree just witnessed all that. 

[- -]

I head off to the toilets, a great place to find peace and be alone. At least, that’s what I thought. When I exit the toilet, I see Jeno standing by a tree far away from anyone. He obviously wants me to go to him and his eyes are begging so I walk up to him. 

“Are you alright?” He asks. I’m not, really. However, I don’t answer. “What did I do? You seem angry with me”. The fact he’s oblivious is pissing me off. 

“It’s the fact my best mate has a problem with gay people. Has a problem with me being gay” I say, aggression obvious in my tone. He looks shocked, probably realising that I really am gay. 

“I don’t have a problem with gay people.” He tries to reason. 

“But you have a problem with yourself being seen as gay” I say. 

“What?” he looks confused. 

“Jeno. You slept with me and then practically pushed me off of you when Yves found us sharing a bed and you were so angry at her for assuming, I could tell how disgusted you were at the thought of you possibly being gay. It fucking hurt” I feel like I’m yelling as my throat hurts, but I’m not. 

“You then sit on top of me and touch my face and when I return the affection you run away. You laugh at homophobic comments and statements and it’s sad.” I say. It’s quiet for a bit. 

“But I’m not gay!”

Is this the only thing he can say? Is he serious? Instead of an apology, instead of trying to justify or help me understand his actions, he just has to deny he’s gay?

“Jeno I found a fucking dildo in your room!” I state, probably shouldn’t have, but it’s out now. He stills. He doesn’t move at all. 

“I didn’t mean to find it, but I did. The point is are you really going to try denying that it’s yours?” He just looks at me, unable to speak. 

“Jeno. You can’t behave the way you have around me and expect me to be okay with it. You can’t be all cuddly and affectionate with me and expect me to just brush it off and not think much into it. You might not be ready to be out about your sexuality, that’s fine. However, it doesn’t excuse the fact you think homophobia is fine and excusable because you aren’t comfortable with being gay. I’m not going to acce-“ my words are cut off by a set of lips, Jeno’s lips. I push him off. 

“What did you expect from that Jeno?” He looks shocked. Did he expect me to be happy about it? 

“I-“ he stutters, but he can’t say anything. 

“You know that I fucking like you and you think that by kissing me, I’m just not gonna be angry anymore? Do you want me to feel guilty about my anger?” Jeno looks down at the ground. 

“Jeno, I don’t want to hurt your feelings okay. However, you clearly have an issue with gay people despite the fact you are yourself. I’m not gonna ignore that fact. Sort yourself out!” I say before walking away.


	7. Chapter 7

I guess I should always find anger to bring with me when I do athletics. My long jump and 800m results were outstanding, I’ve never competed so well. 

We just have 200m left. Jeno’s standing at the fence near the track talking with some other people. Gowon is sitting next to me while Yeojin is at high jump. Gowon hasn’t even done hers meaning it’s gonna be a long night. 

“Are you alright” Gowon notices my foul mood. 

“I’m fine” I say, very unconvincing. 

“Look I don’t want to be overstepping any boundaries, but there was some talk about you in my age group” I sigh. Looks like the word has gotten out about my outburst. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Gosh, I can always tell you’re all related. You always care too much” I say. She laughs. 

“Look. I don’t really think you could help me anyway Gowon. You probably don’t really know how to handle what I’m feeling.” I say, she sighs. 

“My best friend at school is a lesbian. I’m not, but people always call us a couple. We don’t really have an issue with it, although it’s tiring to correct people all the time.” She chuckles. “However, when she first revealed it to people other than me, it wasn’t a very good time for her. People made her life hell, being gay was very foreign to them. She didn’t have many people to rely on other than myself and she never fails to thank me for it” She looks at me and smiles. “I don’t really know what your exact situation is, but I know it’s got something to do with my brother.” I look down at the water bottle in my hands. 

“He just doesn’t want to believe certain things about himself” She laughs.

“What? That he’s gay?” I turn to face her, I practically choke before I can continue speaking. 

“You know he’s gay?” 

“He’s a big idiot” she laughs. “He bought a fucking dildo online and it came up under the bank transaction details. Yves had a go at me for it, thinking it was mine.” We both laugh

“I found the dildo too, he’s gotta think of a better place to hide it”. She laughs before she gets up to leave as her age group has been called to do their 200m.

Yeojin just arrived as soon as Gowon leaves. 

“How’d you go” I ask. 

“I did okay. I jumped my usual height so that’s good” I smile. Yves also returns with a bunch of drinks in a bag, presumably from the canteen. 

“I’ve finished recording results for javelin until Yeojin’s group is ready to do it” she says. 

“I’ve still got my 200m as well, we’re gonna be here for a while”. Yeojin’s age group is called for their 200m over the PA immediately after she speaks. My age group is also called immediately after as well. 

Luckily, It’s our last event meaning I can relax after it. I usually walked with Jeno to the marshalling tent, but as we’re avoiding each other, I walked with Yeojin this time. 

[- -] 

“Can we talk” Jeno says to me as we walk to where the 200m starts. 

“Later, when the race is done”. I say quietly.

The other guys in my age group keep looking at me and are keeping their distance. For fuck sake, ‘gay’ isn’t a disease. They’re acting like it’s the fucking plague. I make eye contact with this one dude who looked back towards me, who’s name I can’t remember (starting with L maybe?) whom is known for being mouthy, he stops and turns to face me. 

“Gosh stop gawking at me” he says, he’s trying to frighten me, not working at all. 

“I’m gay, not desperate you ass” I say, some of the other guys choked. He looked mad, the other guys held him back and pushed him along to keep walking. 

When we arrived, Gowon started her race and gosh is she fast. She beat the rest of the girls with flying colours. She always runs with a calm look on her face. It looks like a face you’d make when you’re reading, but she’s running. It’s like effortless for her.

We sat there for a while until finally we were seated on the track. Yeojin was in the same lane as I was, two races before mine. She hasn’t got the speed as her siblings do, but she definitely excels at her field events rather than track so it’s understandable. 

Jeno’s race has started and gosh he runs so nicely when he sprints. 200M track is always nice to sit on because you can watch them him run from the side rather than from behind. He takes such big strides and he’s really quick. He finishes 1st out of 7 boys in his heat. 

My race is next. Jack Daniel and the dude before, I think his name was Leo, were in the same race as me. Gosh I hate their asses so much!

Maybe it’s the night sky or the anger I have, but I’ve never ran so fast before. I fly past the other boys and I win.

Jeno’s standing on the side with a proud look on his face. I smile at him. As we’re walking to get recorded down, Jack speaks behind me. 

“The fucking fag beat us” I would’ve just ignored it, but I hear this loud thud, some gasps and an ‘oof’ sound. Jeno had punched him square in the nose and jumped on him to strangle him. A bunch of us rush to pull him off, but when they let go of him. He goes to try and hit him again, but he stops as I hold my hand against his chest. He looks at me and calms down. 

“He’s not worth it” I quietly say. He walks off while the other boys are badmouthing him, words like “traitor” being thrown around. You’d think they’d shut up so Jeno doesn’t throw in another one, but I guess asscracks like them don’t learn.

I get my time recorded. I beat my personal best by a whole 2 seconds. What a good night for me!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the smut chapter. I hope everyone who read this enjoyed my story! It was fun to write :)

There wasn’t that many people left. There were a few age groups doing their 200m left. Gowon was at high jump while Yeojin was at javelin. Another older age group was at the long jump pits. Judging from the fact the people were packing the microphones and PA systems away, all the events would have been called by now.

Jeno returns, he had an ice pack on his hand.

“Hey” I say. He smiles in return, sitting down in the chair next to me. “Where’d you go? I haven’t seen you since you punched the fuck out of Jack”. We both laugh. 

“I had to talk to the arena manager. Apparently ‘violence’ isn’t allowed on the field. I’m not setting a good example for the younger kids apparently” I can hear the annoyance in his voice. “Apparently, sticking up for your friends isn’t a good example. They gave me a warning” I smile at the anger in his tone. 

“Thank you!”

“Don’t thank me, I should’ve done that so many times at school”. This new information shocked me. 

“You go to school with them?”

“Yeah, they’re my closest friends actually”

“Excuse me?” Gosh his choice in friends is terrible. 

“Jaemin, I’m so sorry for everything.” I turn away from him. I know I’ll cry if I look into his eyes. “I don’t really know how to justify things. I’m scared” he takes a sip of his water to calm himself down. “When I moved schools, I didn’t have any friends. I struggled to actually make friends. I... I’m gay too” Jeno admits, I laugh. 

“I know that Jeno!” 

“I know you do, I’ve just never said that out loud before” I turn to see him crying. Fuck Jeno seriously! I can’t let him know that I’m on the verge of crying. “Because of this, I was afraid. At my old school, people bullied this boy for being gay. It was terrible so when I moved schools, I avoided people because I was afraid they’d have opinions on me and treat me like that boy. I met Jack and Leo during our sport classes. They were great at first, they included me in a lot and they were fun to be around. As I got to know them, I learnt what kind of people they are. They’re really homophobic and I was paranoid! Paranoid they’d find out so I just played along.” I can hear the sorrow in his voice. 

“I’m really ashamed of myself Jaemin. I was selfish and afraid of things and I didn’t think about how it might affect you. I’ve always had feelings for you, but I don’t know, I guess the thought of losing my friends and being treated unfairly by my family, I didn’t want that to happen so I pretended I didn’t. It got worse when you stayed over. I wanted to hold your hand, cuddle you, kiss you, do anything with you.” I am full on blushing. Jeno can’t stop talking and it’s really cute. “Jaemin. I might not be ready to broadcast my sexuality around the world, but I’m gonna accept that I am. I am gay and I can’t do anything to change that. That’s just who I am.” 

He smiles at me, tears in his eyes. I reach out to wipe them as they fall. He leans in to my hand. I pull him closer into my shoulder and give him a hug. We stay like this for a while watching both Gowon and Yeojin’s events. 

“You know that your sister’s know you’re gay?” I say 5 minutes later. He gets up instantly, eyes wide. 

“How?” I laugh, trying to find a way to word this without giggling. 

“Next time you buy a dildo, don’t buy it using Yves’ card” He puts his head in his hands and groans, falling in to my shoulder again. I pat his head, pretending to comfort him of his embarrassment. 

[- -]

I don’t know how this happened, but it is. We’re in Jeno’s room, my tongue down his throat as I straddle him. 

“I’ve always wanted to do this” he says as I kiss his cheekbone. 

“Same” I say before colliding with his lips again. He had some mints before and I can taste it on his tongue. He whines as I grind down on him, he’s hard already and we’ve hardly been doing this. 

“I have an idea” I say. I get off him, he whines. I open the wardrobe and I hear a gasp. 

“Oh my god, we aren’t doing what I think we are” he says. “Oh my god, we are!” I place down the dildo and lube on the bed and straddle him again, whispering into his ear. 

“You’re gonna ride that while I suck you off, can you do that for me?” He moans at my words, kissing me again.

“Yes”

[- -]

Jeno looks ethereal. He’s on the ground with just his T-shirt on. The dildo is wedged in his ass and his mouth is in the shape of an ‘O’. I’ve never used a dildo before myself or had anything up my ass for that matter, but with the way Jeno is reacting, I’ve gotta see what it’s like one day. 

“Jaemin” he moans. “Please”. I go down to his level and kiss him. His hands are on my shirt pulling it off. I stand up to take my pants off too and leave my underwear on. Jeno grabs me by the waist and mouths at my cock through the clothing. It feels incredible, Jeno’s so good at it.

“Not yet babe” I say as I hold his chin. He looks up at me and he’s still riding his dildo roughly. 

“I’m gonna suck you off now, do you want that?” He moans, my guess that’s a ‘yes’. 

I’ve never sucked a dick before. I’ve only got porn as a guide. I hope I’m good at it. I give Jeno’s hard cock a lick and the reaction he gives out gives me confidence. I lick from the balls to the tip and he grabs onto my hair pushing me towards his dick. I put the tip in and move my head up and down. The moans make me thing he’s enjoying it. I’m enjoying it myself. Dick doesn’t taste that bad at all. I release the dick from out of my mouth and suck off one of the balls. That causes Jeno to let out the hottest moan I’ve heard from him yet. 

“Jaemin. I’m gonna come” he announces. 

“Yeah? Come then” I jerk his dick off as fast as I can and he releases while moaning my name. He paints my hand with his come, some managing to hit my cheek. He grabs my hand and sticks it in his mouth, licking the come off and if that isn’t the hottest thing, then i don’t know what is. He pulls me in for a kiss and I can taste his release. It doesn’t taste bad at all. 

Jeno’s mouth feels like heaven. He’s now got my dick in his mouth and gosh I’ve never felt this good in my life. It’s embarrassing, I’m not gonna last long. 

“Jeno, I’m gonna come” I announce. He pops off my cock and grabs it, jerking it off towards his open mouth and tilted-back bead whilst looking at me. 

“Come on me!” Those words driving me to release all over his awaiting mouth and face. He moans at the feeling. He puts the tip back in his mouth and I moan at the over sensitivity. 

I go into his bathroom in hopes I don’t see anyone else in the house. Luckily, I don’t. I grab a wet flannel and come back in to wipe the come off of both of us. I place it near the other discarded clothes and he pulls me in for a kiss before we both lie under the covers without speaking for a bit.

“Thanks for that” he says. 

“Don’t sweat it” I reply. “I had a lot of fun.”

“What does this mean for us Jaemin?” 

“What do you want it to mean?” He doesn’t speak for a bit. He responds about a minute later.

“I want to be with you Jaemin. I’m willing to try and see if we could be something” he says. I turn to look at him and smile. I move towards him and hug him. 

“I love you” I say, testing the waters. 

“I love you too” the reply was almost instant, it makes me happy. How lucky am I?

That night, I woke up to him being the big spoon. He was slightly snoring and it was cute. I realised then that I didn’t want to be anywhere else or with anyone else. He was the one! I love Lee Jeno.

 

[- -] 6 months later

 

“Jaemin.”

That voice, it only belonged to one person, a person I feared of seeing. 

“Mum”. I hadn’t seen her since she hit me. I was sitting at a restaurant with Jeno and his sisters. 

“What are you doing here?” I ask, her eyes are on the hand I have entwined with Jeno’s. 

“Uh.. I’m on a date”. She says, pulling out a smile.

“Good for you. Now can you please leave, you’re making us uncomfortable.” Yves says, kinda glad she did because I would’ve said it myself. 

“Excuse me? Who do you think you are that you think you can say that? I’m his mother!” She looks like she’d rip Yves’ hair out if she stayed any longer. 

“Mum. She’s someone who’s helped me out more than you ever have.” 

“Exc-“

“I’m not finished!” I interrupt. “Any right you had left as soon as you decided to hit me just because you found out I was gay.” The whole restaurant has stopped what they’re doing, obviously enjoying the ‘drama’ that’s going on. “I’m having dinner with my boyfriend and his family because Jeno got accepted into some amazing athletics program allowing him to compete overseas. I’m having an amazing time and I would really appreciate it if you’d take yourself and that date of yours out of here because you’re making everyone uncomfortable.” I finished. She looks upset, but it does nothing to me. I don’t feel sorry for her at all. She walks towards her table, grabbing her date and leaves. 

Jeno leans in and gives me a kiss on the cheek. 

“You okay?” He asks. I turn to face him, holding his hand tightly. 

“Yes”. We put our heads against each other’s, staring into each other’s eyes. 

“Stop being lovey dovey and eat your meals” Yeojin says. 

“I second that” Gowon adds in, although she’s got food in her mouth. 

“Girls! Be nice” Yves says, we all chuckle. 

I look into Jeno’s eyes.

“Thank you” I say. 

“For what?”

“For everything” I lean on his shoulder, grateful for the situation I’m in now. I’m a really lucky guy, aren’t I?

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story I’ve posted. I’m not sure of how everything works so if I miss any tags you think I should add, please let me know. Any advice and tips would also be helpful. I hope you enjoy my story.
> 
> Also, I think I’m gonna avoid writing detailed smut from now on. I feel really weird when writing it.


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